Are Mormons evil?

Lots of people think Mormons are somehow inherently evil—and Mormons, for their part, have been running from such claims since before the church was even organized in 1830. However, it’s time to come clean on this—and so here, finally, is the truth about Mormons in the United States, in convenient field guide format:

• Utah Mormons are evil and know it, but cover it up frantically.
• California Mormons are evil but don’t know it.
• Mormons in the rest of the US West are evil and know it, and would cover it up if only they knew how.
• Mormons in the Midwest are evil and know it, and are constantly ashamed about it.
• Mormons in the deep South are evil and know it mainly ’cause everyone else tells them they are, but they cover it up to the extent that they can to keep the neighbors quiet.
• Mormons in the East are evil and know it and glory in it!

Hope this helps.

Yes, i’m an easterner. Why do you ask?