Fun with platitudes!

So yesterday was Mothers Day, and we got to hear all the usual Mothers Day sacrament meeting platitudes, along with a number of actual insights.

And it just so happens that one of my least favorite Mother Day illustrations got vectored. It goes as follows (you may recognize it):

A good mother is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table and only four pieces of pie, suddenly declares that she never cared much for pie anyway.

Even leaving aside the glorification of such self-abnegation as a uniquely and positively maternal quality (which is simply wrong on many, many levels), i’ve long thought that there is one good thing about this false statement about what it means to be a mother: It lends itself well to parody.

Consider:

A real mother is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table and only four pieces of pie, suddenly points out that it is time for everyone to go to bed. Fortunately, when the morning comes she has disposed of the pie so that there can be no arguments about it.

Alternately, we could go all mathematical about it:

A smart mother is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table and only four pieces of pie, recognizes that if four people each get 80% of a piece of pie, what remains gives the fifth person an equal share.

In a perhaps more serious vein, Jeanne (my wife) jotted down her version, which emphasizes foresight in avoiding arguments:

A good mother is is someone who, upon discovering that there are five people at the table, cuts the pie into five pieces.

Any of y’all have any other ways to spin this?

Just asking for equal time

So i still don’t get the reflexive need that so many Mormons have to loudly and vociferously declare that the Law of Consecration* isn’t communism each and every time the Law of Consecration comes up in a church class—but i’ve come to terms with it as one of those things that will simply always be, whether or not there’s a good reason for it.

So fine, whatever, go ahead and remind everyone that the Law of Consecration isn'’t communism. Knock yourselves out over it.

But please, when you do that, could you also mention that whatever ism it might be, the Law of Consecration also most definitely isn’t capitalism, either?

* Or the United Order. They’re different things,** as i’ve noted before, but yeah, they’re closely enough related that either one fits here.

** Also, the comments on the post linked to there exhibit a most excellent example of what i’m talking about in the main body of today’s post.